I am contemplating signing up for Match. Allow me to go back and explain why I have come to this probable decision.
I have volumes of mutual likes on OkCupid. What are mutual likes? I’ll explain. I suspect that each dating site has different terms for the same things, not unlike coffee shops. At Starbucks, the 20 oz. coffee is a Venti®; at Peet’s, it’s a Large.
In OKCupid terminology, likes are people who have clicked “Like” on my profile. Mutual likes are people whom I have “liked” in return.
The Problem With Virtual Likes
My profile now includes several pages of matches who have supposedly expressed mutual interest. These are men I could die for. At least according to their profiles, they’re all well-read, handsome, creative, and partial to all of God’s creatures (which would include my dog).
But these dreamy men rarely write me. I would say that 85% don’t. The age-inappropriate ones do all the time; I’m talking about youngsters seeking a sophisticated older–but not old–woman who will theoretically sleep with them instantly. I don’t know if this scenario ever actually happens. I think cougars are a myth. I don’t want to sleep with anyone instantly, and even if I did want to, I probably wouldn’t.
But very few of the age-appropriate dream husbands ever write. And it doesn’t work to write them first. I’m progressive; I can do it. But I’ve discovered it’s a waste of time. Only the mutual likes who write me first seem prepared to forge ahead.
What’s with this? I’ve contemplated it. I think 85% of the “likes” may just be a thumbs up, a way of saying in guy speak, “I’d do you if there were no future responsibility and I didn’t have to drive.”
It could also be an ego thing. If I “like” them back, they can tell themselves, “This chick really digs me. If I ever got up off my butt and asked her out, I could totally have her.”
Interestingly, the majority of guys who do write me never click “Like” on my profile. My 7th-grade theory is that they don’t want a record of having liked me. If I reject them cold, they haven’t demonstrably gone out of their way. It’s an ego thing, though I guess it could also be an efficiency thing.
Efficiency dating interests me. I don’t want to go back and forth writing a novel’s worth of messages to a guy who then never asks me out because he’s scared of even a date’s degree of commitment (“If I show up, I’ll have to marry her and give her half my property.”) I want to move efficiently ahead in my search for “the one.”
This brings me to my next move: signing up for Match. OkCupid is a free online dating service; Match is a paid one. Perhaps, having made that minor financial commitment, men who have signed up for Match are more ready to make additional commitments. Perhaps they’re more invested.