I recently went on a date with someone that I met on a dating site. I had been talking with this guy for a few weeks before we made plans to go out and I was really excited to finally meet him. From his profile and our chats I found him handsome, smart and witty – a rare triple threat in my eyes.
A tiny part of me even thought he might be too good to be true. So when I walked into the restaurant to meet him for our lunch date, I was really happy to see that he looked exactly like his photos! No funny business here.
But then he stood up to introduce himself and there it was – the big fat lie staring right at me. On his profile he listed his height as 5’8 – I’m only 5’1 and I was looking this guy directly in his eyes. Height is not something that I usually care about or take notice of, so I was upset at myself for being so taken aback by my date’s short stature.
But then I realized it wasn’t the fact that he was shorter than I expected – it was the fact that he LIED to me that was really bothering me.
Lies Will Catch Up With You
I had to address the elephant in the room and question him about this obvious lie. I asked why he felt the need to lie to me – especially about something like height, which I was bound to discover the very first time we met.
He didn’t have a great answer for me. He apologized and told me that it’s always been hard for him to get women to look past his height, which seemed to me like a genuine response.
So I stayed at the date and had a surprisingly good time talking with him. At one point the conversation turned towards family and I asked if he had any children. I knew from his profile that he was married before, but hadn’t yet asked if there were any kids in the picture.
That’s when lie #2 emerged. He said he wasn’t actually 39, like he had previously told me. He said he was 45 and had a 19 year old son.
He lied about his age by a whole SIX years. I was shocked by the outright lies he felt so comfortable to spew. Maybe no one had discovered his lies prior. Maybe he was new to the world of online dating. Or maybe he thought I’d laugh the whole thing off.
But instead I told him kindly but firmly that he was wasting my time.
Lying Just Gets You Into Trouble
Why am I relaying this story?
This is a cautionary tale to anyone who has ever thought of telling a little white lie on their profile.
Eventually the lie, even the tiniest one, will catch up with you and you’ll be left having to explain your intentions. And it usually won’t be pretty.
So, Why Lie?
There are all kinds of reasons why people lie. Sometimes they want to broaden their dating pool but feel held back by age, height, looks or income. But the main reason why people lie is usually a lack of confidence. People who are confident in who they are know that not everyone will like them – but they know that’s okay.
If you’re secure in the person you are, you know that someone out there is going to love you FOR YOU, and you don’t have to waste your time transforming yourself into some other person. You might go on fewer dates as the real you, but at least you will know that you haven’t hidden anything and haven’t lied to anyone.
We all have our insecurities that we wish we could get rid of or cover up. For one person it might be height, for another it might be income or education or even an unsavory ex. But eventually all of these little insecurities reveal themselves. And it’s usually better to get these quirks out in the open from the very beginning and find the person that accepts you regardless than to hide them and hope that when the person you’re dating eventually does find out about your little secret he or she will be so far invested that they’ll just have to DEAL.
You Want Answers? I Want the Truth!
Lying is like the band-aid that you put on the wound in the beginning of the relationship but that six months later becomes infected and pus-filled. If your relationship starts under false pretenses, it’s probably not a relationship that will last.
And worse, your significant other might be left wondering what else you’ve lied about, and that’s a can of worms no one wants opened. So while it may seem easy and convenient to tell a little white lie, it’s usually better to stick to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…so help me…Cupid?
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