Why did I decide to start online dating? In order to answer that question, I should probably provide a bit of background about myself. I’m female. I’ve been divorced almost 2 years. I’m pushing 40. What side I’m pushing it from will remain a mystery, and for better or worse, I’ve always looked younger than my age. What isn’t at all a mystery is that I’d like to be married again. I realize there’s the having-a-serious-boyfriend step first, though.
The divorce wasn’t entirely my fault. I could have been more conscientious, cooked dinner more, tried harder to get him to talk. But on the other hand, he could have—as my mom says—not met the alcohol fairy. Yes, partway through our marriage, he started drinking regularly. And, in his mind, I could no longer do anything right.
So, much to my astonishment, I am dating again. I dated before I was married too, obviously, and I still remember how. It’s apparently like riding a bicycle; I was good at it before, and I’m still good at it now.
My Dating Potential
I worked as a professional actress, which means I’m brave and a little shameless. I also worked as a web designer and developer, which means I can talk tech. And when I was little, I’d stay over at my dad’s house (my parents were divorced when I was 4) and watch sci-fi with him. The tech fascination and sci-fi give me commonality with a lot of guys. I can talk operating systems, and I know which Star Trek series I like. If you’re curious, I prefer the original over Next Gen.
As a former New Yorker, I don’t drive, and I suppose that could be seen as a potential weakness. But this is the age of Uber, and I live in a city. Another potential weakness: I have a little dog whom I occasionally dress, but guys like her nonetheless. She’s fuzzy and happy. She’s a Pomeranian from Pomeranian Rescue, and her name is Isabel.
My Pre-Date Skills
I have a nice speaking voice, perhaps because my dad was a singer. It’s useful if I’m forced to chat on the phone, but I’d rather text. I get that from my mom, the writer. Another reason I prefer text messaging is because it’s easier to drift away from than a phone call. Drifting away from a phone call essentially means hanging up on the other person.
As a writer myself, I possess strong texting skills. I can be charming, I always have a comeback, I can deflect sleazy suggestions in a cute way, and I never reveal if I’m texting from the bathroom because girls don’t pee, of course. I’ll send an occasional selfie but never a compromising one (wrong message, much?). And while I may text a guy once too often, I will never text him twice too often.
My On-the-Date Skills
I know how to put on a dress and make friendly conversation, and that’s more than half the battle in the beginning. I also possess televised dating credentials; I have appeared on multiple episodes of Blind Date.
I’ve had boyfriends since separating from my husband, but they were—in my mind—clearly temporary; we just didn’t have enough in common to get us through every evening for the rest of our lives. I’m still friends with them, though, so I know I’m a good girlfriend.
I don’t drink much, and I’m not sure I believe that anyone actually finds true love in the bar scene. I work from home, take arts-and-crafts classes, and volunteer with little shelter animals. As you can imagine, none of this lends itself to meeting guys.
I miss being part and parcel with somebody. I miss having a built-in person to whom I’m a priority and who is a priority to me. I miss having a life that’s partly just ours, kind of like a tiny club.
This is the reality that makes online dating with sites like Zoosk seem pretty reasonable to me. Also, many of my single friends are doing it, and the ones who aren’t doing it aren’t dating at all.
And that’s why I decided to sign up for online dating websites.